What do you want?

Shh, if you listen you will hear him clearly. But if you don't listen you will miss it in a passing moment. He speaks. He speaks boldly and lovingly because He is both bold and loving. God is speaking to me about so many things lately that I feel like I'm traveling between dinner tables trying to just get as much in as possible. What a great feeling! A scary disappointing feeling is when you can't hear him speaking to you. If that's ever you, I challenge you to just keep seeking Him every day and eventually the clouds will clear and the sun will break through to your skin.

One thing that I have been feeling lately is "I WANT MORE!" More of anything that God has to offer! I know it sounds petty but it's a deep desperate feeling, that has been making my heart tender toward the things of God. A couple of months ago, my pastor Shannon Wooten, looked at me and asked me "Katrina, what do you want?" Not in a what do you want for your ministry, or what do you want for lunch but a what are the deep longings of your heart that you've been suppressing for others or ministry kind of question. It's been so long since I really thought about what I want that I didn't even have an answer. A friend of mine a few weeks ago told me that I never take the business face off to get to the center of the tootsie pop, in other words, I don't laugh enough to show that I am truly enjoying the Lord and what I do! That's a reality check!

A great friend and mentor, Lena Shrader, was riding with me the first night of District Council this year and she made a comment (one that I liked) she said, "Katrina, you're such a wonderlust. You want to live extravagant adventures with Jesus to wherever and whenever; but, you also want the house with the family and the dog." That is such a true statement. That totally helped me to sync my thoughts of what I want. It's all true. I want it all! I want the sweet family with the PTA and the kid in the high chair with food smeared on the wall and the husband with eyes that steal your heart every single time. AND I want to truck through the rainforest and share Jesus with natives, travel to villages that have never heard and tell them of unfailing love! To go anywhere and everywhere for the cause of Christ regardless of what the television says. AND I want a fireplace in a great home slightly outside of a city and a glass room off the back for morning reading (of course this won't all come at once ;) ). AND I want to encourage folks across the US and World to share the gospel with young and old!

I've been at a huge inner turmoil that last four month because the enemy was trying to convince me that I have to give up one of the dreams. Either the heart of a missionary or the family. Either I would live without companionship and have the adventure of a lifetime needing new sneakers when I get into heaven because the rubber is burnt off OR I would have an amazing family who loves the Lord and makes a community impact for the kingdom. This last week, the Lord shared with me that I don't have to release either dream. That His future for me, involves both. But, He also shared with me that the life I've been living is good. Amen. Both the work side and the personal me side is good. These are His words to my heart, "I love you. The life you've been living is good. But, I have great in store for you. You decide. Do you want good or do you want great? You choose. But if you choose great. We need to make some adjustments."

This is a great word from the Lord! But it's also a scary word. Why? Because "good" is comfortable! Good is what I know. But I also know that the quest for "great" can be it's own amazing adventure! I want more. I want GREAT! All my chips are in chief, no ties, no binds, no nothing here I am Lord, I want what you want (and I really hope it involves a family with lots of adventures and sharing your son anywhere and everywhere!).

I want what you want.