I can’t speak for men and not even for all women. But over the years, I’ve come to notice that many women seem to struggle with one key thing that continually seeks to keep them down. It takes their attention off of positive goals and sends them into a downward spiral very quickly…
The word in my mind is jealousy.
Loads of students and women that I’ve ministered to over time will be quick tell you that they aren’t jealous. Usually they want folks to feel like they can hold their own, that they don’t want to be like anyone else that they don’t want what someone else has. Usually when they really feel it deep they are going to be the last person to say, “I’m so jealous!”
There are many reasons people get jealous. Over things like someone else’s belongings or successes… over opportunities given to others over yourself… and over relationships…more time spent with one person over another. Spending more time with one person over another? Sounds petty huh? Perhaps, but deep into the soul women long to feel valued, important and loved. Some women measure this by how much time is not just spent or attention given to them but rather how much more is given to them than over someone else.
Jealousy breeds bitterness….bitterness contempt…contempt anger and then it’s definitely a snowball. As believers, we should have the strongest desire to walk in the anointing power of Jesus and not be so focused on how much so and so did for whatever. If you can honestly evaluate your life and say that you are jealous of something or someone, I challenge you to evaluate some key things going on in your life.
1) What or who am I jealous of?
2) Why am I jealous? (Are they getting attention for something? Are they liked more than you are? What’s the real thing that you feel like your missing out on?)
3) What does your time with Jesus look like? And who are you seeking attention from?
Sometimes we can find ourselves seeking to fill externally what we lack internally. We look for people who can fill certain gaps. If you need affirmation in your life and you notice that someone else gets it a lot more than you do then you automatically feel inadequate and less than. We need to have an understanding of what we need and what is the appropriate way to get it.
Some people will quickly say, “all you need is Jesus.” True but still not, the Lord gave us one another in relationship and I believe that He uses us to speak life into one another and to lift each other up to powerful levels in Him. So, know what you need. If you need to be affirmed, if you need time with people or certain people, if you need acknowledged, if you need a hug or a pat on the back… regardless, know what you need and who you’re going to get it from. For some it’s a spouse, others a friend to just say, “you’re doing a great job!” For others, it’s unwritten in their world…they are just automatically lifted by others…. But you should personally seek to also lift others.
Have a mentor or someone who can speak life into you regardless of your age. Be careful who you choose. They should be someone who is strong in the Lord. Someone who loves you and seeks to see you become the best follower of Jesus you can possibly be. Someone who’s not afraid to tell you the difficult things in life that you might sometimes not want to hear. And you need to be willing to submit to them.
Understand your individual blessing in the Lord and your corporate blessing.
Personally, as an individual, I’m a great organizer; planner, natural problem solver, natural persuader and I love to be the accomplisher! So much so that when I was in college (the first round), I was the president of 5 thriving organizations, 3.9 GPA, I worked in residence life, conference services, service learning and orientation, I was on the student judicial board and heard countless cases. And when I graduated, I spoke at Bachelorette. Over the four years, I was always the one that the other kids in the class would put up to talking the teacher out of having to take the final exam (and I was successful 6 times!). I didn’t do it for awards. I didn’t try to be better than everyone else. I just wanted to do my best (and have a little fun with it!). But when the senior banquet came, I was humbled. Out of the 8 awards they give out, I received 5 of them. Everything from state awards, senatorial citations, campus awards, community service awards but then the last award was given….
The Robert E. Lucas Student Leadership Award for Conspicuous and Significant Contributions to Wilmington College given by the president of the college. This was the greatest award that the college gives…and they called my name. Of all names…other people had done such great things and I never thought that the work and countless hours that I’d put into the campus, the students, the community would ever deserve this type of acknowledgement. I went up and received the award and I was shocked beyond shocked.As I sit here writing this today, I have a plaque in a college pretty far away that has my name engraved on it and over my desk is the award that I was handed on that day. I worked hard seeking to be my best in every moment of my time on campus.
I went home that day and wept because I had spent 4 years thinking that no one had noticed or cared. Sometimes the things we do are hard, tiring and go unnoticed (they are noticed by God).
But there will come a day when we will sit in a banquet hall and Jesus will call our name to come up and receive the award. On that day, I want to be worthy of receiving it. Living every day of life in excellence even when it means sorting through the hard things in life like jealousy, envy, sin… don’t let yourself fail to be what God longs for you to be. Discipline yourself to be all that God longs for you. Doesn’t He deserve it?
1 Cor. 9:24-27
“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.”
Every time I read these verses they have a new application. Today, If you are running aimlessly, confused, or so focused on the other runners that you lose focus of the PURPOSE that you are running then refocus. It’s time. You should be running your personal best and only you know what that is…and what God deserves from you.Corporately, as a body of believers… when one runner trips, it’s our responsibility to help them get back up and in the race again… and if we are the one that trips not to be so embarrassed that we try to quit the race. But we are blessed by one of our fellow teammates and runners who are willing to help us get back up and run with us until we hit that finish line. How do you treat your teammates? Your fellow believers?
Be your best for the Lord and help them be their best for the Lord. When they get acknowledged be glad for them (not fake glad)… together we represent God so when they are lifted…you are lifted.
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